The decision to divorce or separate is not an easy one. There are many questions to consider before walking down this legal and emotional path. Occasionally I receive a call or a friend will stop me in the grocery store with this… I think I might want a divorce or separation but I am not sure. When divorce ambivalence is prevalent, pushing a couple into the divorce process is not the type of mediator or attorney I want to be.

So then what?

When couples are not sure if divorce or separation is the right choice for their family, reaching out to a therapist or coach for discernment counseling can help. Perhaps one spouse is not sure whether they want to stay married, maybe confusion, uncertainty, or lack of clarity are interfering with decision making. Often in mediation, we see a “leaning-out spouse” and a “leaning-in spouse”, with each having different agendas and needing support with their emotional state. Engaging a trained professional to support each spouse separately, can help with clarity, managing emotions, and other relationship dynamics. 

Divorce coach or therapist?

As a mediator, clients that seek support through a coach or therapist tend to do very well throughout the mediation process. Divorce coaches such as Karen Costello can assist individuals with goals, decision making, and life transitions during the divorce process. Therapists can help individuals dealing with depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions. Using a coach or therapist can help you proceed through the process with less stalling, emotional outbursts, and other behavior that can overshadow decisions that need to be made.

How do I find a good divorce professional?

Even under the most amicable terms, ending a marriage or domestic partnership can be a significant emotional stressor. Often individuals are looking to address their issues without being “treated” by a mental health professional but are not sure where to go. A good place to start is to ask your mediator for a referral. Most will have a network of healthy divorce professionals that can assist throughout the divorce or separation. Having support to focus on your emotional well-being can be beneficial to the mediation process and may even alleviate behaviors that could sabotage the negotiation process.


Find out if divorce mediation would benefit you and your family. Check out frequently asked questions here:

Contact family law mediator, Dawn Clement at or for a free online consultation.