Divorce or separation does NOT have to be complicated. Lawyers tend to make the process more complex and difficult using threats, accusations, and fear. Fear often leads to a drawn-out battle and extremely high legal fees, getting in the way of an amicable divorce.
I will let you in on a lawyer secret… it doesn’t have to be this way. An attorney focused on peace and resolution will NEVER drag your case into court unnecessarily. This is why choosing the right divorce professional is so very important.
What if I am angry and feel betrayed?
Many folks going through the divorce process feel this way. It is normal to feel anger, hurt, betrayal, and sadness. A good therapist or life coach can help you through these emotions so that they do not interfere with your amicable divorce. Revenge or attempts to hurt the other person only costs you more time and legal fees in the long run. Take good care of your emotions and you will see the rest of your life start to fall into place. Some folks like to view the divorce process like a business transaction, this can help you both make clear decisions that are not emotionally charged. Even if you have these feelings and emotions, a respectful, amicable divorce or separation is possible.
I want to protect myself.
Wanting to “protect” yourself is a phrase that we often hear in mediation. When a crisis hits, the first response is often fear of the unknown. What is so very helpful, is that the mediation process has a built-in tool we call “reality testing”. A properly trained, experienced, and knowledgeable mediator will explain the matter in a comprehensive way that allows the couple to make informed decisions and weigh the potential outcomes of those decisions. You have a much greater ability to protect yourself using the mediation process than going to court. In court, the Judge or Master has complete control of your family, your finances, your future, and your outcome, the situation is essentially out of your hands. Protect yourself by making your own decisions about your future.
I am scared.
In many instances, lawyers tend to use fear of the unknown to coerce their clients into spending more money on their divorce than they need to. Fear is a powerful force and motivator and keeps you in a state of constant panic and dread. It does not have to be this way! Taking your future into your own hands is an important step in moving forward. We help plan for the unknown in mediation, by keeping our focus forward, and shifting away from what has happened in the past. This shift is significant because when folks move away from fear-based decisions, their lives begin to blossom. Finances and health start to improve, and overall life satisfaction increases. Don’t let uncertainty lead you into a cycle of fear-based decision making, let your mediator take your hand and gently walk you through the process.
Where do I begin?
If you are faced with a crisis, don’t panic! The first step is to gather the information you need to make smart and wise decisions. Each decision should be thoughtful and based on facts, not fear. Gathering the information and documents you need now may seem time-consuming, but it will save you time and money in the long run. Once you have the information you need, consider talking to your spouse or co-parent about an uncontested divorce using mediation. Starting off on an amicable path will be your quickest, cheapest option and you will have the most control over the outcome.
If you are unsure about the first steps, schedule a free and confidential chat with Dawn: https://calendly.com/dawnclement/free-confidential-15-minute-phone-call
If you are both ready to move forward, schedule a free online consultation here: https://calendly.com/dawnclement/free-online-consultation-1
Dawn Clement, Mediator and Attorney